The Way I Loved You
by Missy Padfoot
Summary: HarryDraco: To take the pressure off of Harry, Dumbledore decides that they need to fake Harry's death. Since polyjuice lasts only so long, they find another method; a gender changing potion. Girl!Harry, Slash. Rewritten version of Sweet Sacrifice.
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer:** All belongs to J.K. Rowling. Not mine and no harm intended.  
**Author's Note: **This is the revised and rewritten version of Sweet Sacrifice. Actually, it might as well be a different story all together. Sweet Sacrifice is essentially a story that wasn't well plotted nor well written. Can I say that about this version? I hope so...if not, I'm sure I can say it's at least better. After chapter 15th, I have no idea what to do, so I'll go by what you all want. Thank you to all of you who have been reading Sweet Sacrifice and I hope you like this version. I will not continue the other one and things I had then (a protective Blaise, an OOC Harry) will not happen here... or at least intentionally on the OOC Harry. If you want to read the original version, please go to my-tilly[at]livejournal (there is also a link at my profile).

The Way I Loved You**  
Prologue**

The Leaving Feast had just ended and Harry was already making his way towards the Gryffindor Common Room, following the Gryffindor pride as he, Hermione and Ron chatted about their summer plans.

Hermione and her parents were set to go touring all over eastern Europe and were planning to visit the concentration camps from World War II.

Ron looked at Hermione questioningly. "What are those?"

Hermione stopped walking, as did Harry and Ron. The rest of the Gryffindors kept walking down the hall.

"How can you not know what they are?! Are Wizards _that_ ignorant to the rest of the world?!"

Ron flushed. "How the bloody hell is that my fault? We have our own problems to worry about you know!"

"Er…" Harry embarrassingly tried to move the conversation away from the subject. He hated when his best friends started screaming in the halls like this. You'd think they'd have SOME propriety. Apparently, his 'er' wasn't enough and Hermione and Ron kept on going.

"Didn't that war kill _any _wizards at all? I bet at least a handful were caught…"

Ron shrugged. "When dealing with muggle wars, Herm, we have magic to makes us immune to any of their problems that may strike our way. Excuse ME if Binns hasn't mentioned it in class…"

"BUT HE HAS!"

Ron looked at her like she was nutters. "And when the bloody hell have you ever seen me pay attention?!"

"Uh, I don't think this is his fault, Hermione." Harry cut in, "After all, I only know vaguely what it's about, and I was raised with muggles… we don't exactly cover that in the curriculum…"

Hermione glared at him. "Well I guess I HAVE to make it part of the curriculum then! I need to speak to Binns-- NO! Dumbledore about this!"

Harry coughed awkwardly and Ron rolled his eyes and said something about girls and PMS or something. Harry didn't have time to ask what PMS was, though. "Sure we will… now lets go to sleep… I am knackered!"

Hermione narrowed her eyes at Harry. "You may be mocking me now, Harry… but just watch, I WILL do something about this when we get back from break."

"I am not mocking you!" Ron had already started walking back to the common room, while Harry faced Hermione's wrath. Harry felt like strangling the red head. This is what he got for helping out a friend!

"I will do everything in my power to help you, okay? Just um, cool down. I don't think Ron was being condescending when he asked… he seemed to be genuinely curious and interested about the camps!"

Hermione sniffed.

* * *

It was early morning when they all had to wake up and pack up. Harry was trying not to gag as Ron cleaned out the underside of his bed. It wasn't so bad when all that was taken out were old towels and a few socks… then, Ron started finding leftovers of midnight snacks.

Ron frowned. "I don't even know what this is." He threw a tiny brown thing, that vaguely resembled a chewed up tootsie roll, and it landed across the room, near Neville's bed. On second thought…

"Ron, are there any mice under your bed?"

"Hm, there was a rat last week. Why?"

Harry felt like he was going to be sick, he closed his eyes and shuddered. "No reason. Just finish soon… we have only until 9."

"AHA!" Ron pulled out a magazine. "This is what I was looking for this whole time!"

Harry looked at his best friend questioningly. "What is it?

Ron's face became bright red. He then cleared his throat. "Erm, you know… something every teenage boy has…

Harry didn't seem to understand.

"Mate, why do you think I put up a tiny anti-elf ward for my side of the room so it doesn't get reported to McGonagall?"

Before Harry could respond, Collin Creevey ran into the room. There had been no need to knock since the room had been left ajar. The poor kid seemed to have ran a marathon. His face was flushed and he was out of breath.

"Dumbledore want to see you Harry!"

"Oh, er… right now?" Harry looked around his side of the room and noticed his lack of packing.

"Yes, yes! Right away!"

* * *

Harry stepped nervously into Dumbledore's office. His office never seemed so intimidating… but at the same time, it was a rare thing to even see Dumbledore somber faced. He noticed how, as he sat down, Dumbledore didn't offer him a lemon drop. He was ALWAYS offered a lemon drop.

"Sir…er…you asked to speak to me?" Harry nervously fidgeted in his seat, even though it was extremely comfortable. According to Hermione, when in an administrative setting, like Church, chairs were meant to be uncomfortable; as a way to try patience and as a form of intimidation. It really showed how Dumbledore wasn't a conventionalist; according to Hermione, anyway.

With a sigh Dumbledore began and Harry felt something was heavily amiss. Dumbledore never sighed; he smiled.

"We've discovered a way to destroy Voldemort." Harry frowned. Shouldn't he be stuffed with lemon drops then? Surely this was good news?

Dumbledore continued. "However, we need you to disappear while keeping you in sight and under training. We have found that the safest route is to try to convince the Wizarding World that you died. That way, we won't have to deal with someone hunting you down and we can give you a new identity and have you continue Hogwarts. During this time, we will also train you and it will go interrupted."

Harry blinked. "Um…"

"I want to know if you are on board with our plan, Harry." Dumbledore's blue eyes were looking at him with something of compassion and forgiveness. It seemed that Dumbledore didn't expect him to agree. "You won't be Harry Potter. You may not even be in Gryffindor… you can't let your friends know… and you might risk alienation during your entire seventh year."

Dumbledore kept going, listing off reasons why Harry should say no. "Your entire personal life might have to take a back seat… and you might be forced to commit to other things. You don't have to do this. This doesn't have to be you. We can find another way." _But it may be too late._

Harry cleared his throat. "Would I have to go back to the Dursley's?"

"No."

Harry smiled. "Then I'm in."


	2. Part One

**Part One**

Harry didn't board the train and didn't have to worry about fabricating a lie as to why he couldn't come. He asked if Dumbledore could somehow let his friends know that he was safe and he'd see them the next term. He supposed it was cowardly and had guilt creep up on him when he realized that that was going to be the last chance his friends would have had to see him 'alive' and he was taking that chance away from them. Instead, Harry went back to the boy's Gryffindor dorms and got his things. The Headmaster had told him that someone was to pick him up and take him to a safe house. There, he would start his training.

As Harry walked towards Professor Dumbledore's office, he thought over what was going to happen. He was going to be a _girl_. He didn't ask if it was going to be permanent, but he suspected that it wasn't. Dumbledore wouldn't be that cruel. As he walked, he glanced at the enchanted portraits that were quietly staring back at him. His eyes found one of a girl, busy writing in a journal. She was too immersed in her writing to notice his staring. The quill stopped as she began to sigh wistfully. Then a small giggle escaped her lips and she started writing again.

Was he going to be like that? A giggling girl?

When Dumbledore had further explained the mechanics of the potions he was to take, he didn't say anything about his personality altering. So Harry suspected that he was still going to be 'Harry' in the inside.

After Harry uttered the password to the Gargoyle and entered Dumbledore's office, he saw that it was empty. Not sure what to do now, he let the levitation charm drop from his trunk and sat down on it.

He didn't wait long for Dumbledore. Harry turned around to get a good look at the person who was going to help him with his training.

He grinned when he saw Tonks trip over her feet and struggle to keep her composure in the serious situation.

* * *

The safe house, under fidelius, from the outside looked like a broken down shack in the middle of the countryside. As Harry walked towards the front steps, he couldn't help but raise his eyebrows in wonder as he spotted an endless sea of sheep. He walked as quickly as he could behind Tonks while she skipped through the property's large front yard. Dumbledore wasn't too far behind Harry, but would probably be closer if he hadn't been whistling merrily, as if he was in a stroll at the park.

As Harry stepped onto the porch, he instantly felt how much this place was warded. It felt like 10 pounds worth of weights were suddenly attached onto his ankles. He stepped the door that Tonks was currently holding open.

The inside of the 'shack' didn't seem to be a shack at all. It looked very large in the inside and was spotlessly clean. The furnishings in the place were plain. It was obvious that whoever had decorated didn't have a color scheme either. However, Harry noticed that everything he spotted in the living room, though plain, was something that he'd would probably definitely use in his stay there.

"I see Severus did a wonderful job with the location!" Dumbledore remarked jovially as he came in.

Harry felt a sudden burst of anger. "He _knows_?"

Dumbledore seemed surprised. "Who do you think is going to make the necessary potions?"

Harry ignored it. "How can you think he could be trusted with this, considering who he pals around with?"

"I'm sorry Harry. That was selfish of me, wasn't it? I should've explained things more carefully. Do you wish to have someone else brew it?" The old man asked, annoyance lacing his voice. "You must understand that there are only a handful of potion masters who have the skill to brew the potions you need and we'd have to make sure they'd be trustworthy enough to be one of the few who know your true whereabouts."

He, angry with the condensing tone that Dumbledore was using on him, glared angrily. He countered. "Do what you like. You control every aspect of my life already. Does forcing me to trust my life with a Death Eater really make much of a difference?"

Dumbledore didn't say a word, but he looked down at Harry with disappointment. Harry felt a twinge of resentment when he realized how incredible short he was compared to Dumbledore, who towered over almost everyone. And right now, it seemed to work at Harry's disadvantage.

Harry glared back at his headmaster as defiantly as he could until Tonks decided to interrupt. "Let's go find your room." She grabbed his shoulders and steered him away from the living room.

Dumbledore stopped her. "No, Ms. Tonks. I have to tell Mr. Potter something."

Harry grudgingly turned around with a glare but Dumbledore didn't seem to react to it. The headmaster peered at him seriously over his half-moon spectacles. The old man's voice began, soft yet stern. He didn't sound angry, but he did sound agitated and Harry realised he must have struck a cord with what he had just said.

"Harry, you have to start acting like an adult. I have told you _repeatedly _of how much I trust Professor Snape. If you don't have faith in him, have _faith in me_." The man paused. "And even if you can't do that, try thinking before you speak. You have agreed to take part of this plan and even though we are grateful for what you are sacrificing, you can't blame the world for all your troubles. It was your choice and you have until next week, when you're due to take your first potion, to change your mind. In the mean time, I will try looking at other alternatives." He glanced at Tonks as he opened the front door to leave.

Harry felt shock mixed with anger and resentment. Like, he was just spat on. There was a long silence until Tonks cleared her throat. "Let's look at the room, kay?"

* * *

"Alrighty Harry. Even though you might leave in a week, I can still teach you things you will still find in handy." Tonks pushed him onto a couch and went to the bookcase on the other side of the room and hummed as she searched for what she was looking for. She grabbed a book with a thick, red leather binding and plopped it onto his lap. Harry flinched at the weight. Tonks then went back and this time, had one with a dark brown binding. This one, if possible, was heavier.

At Harry's worried look, Tonks laughed. "Don't worry silly. You aren't going to need to read those! You will carry them on your head. We need to give you some grace!"

"Er, you don't exactly have that?" Harry remembered just earlier when Tonks tripped over her own two feet when they arrived.

Tonks rolled her eyes. She grabbed the two books from Harry's lap and placed them on her head and walked across the room with ease. She then relaxed her frame and the books fell onto the ground with a big noise.

"To be an auror you have to have a great sense of balance, and this was one way ol' Moody tortured me to get it."

Tonks grabbed Harry's arm and pulled him up to his feet when he still seemed unsure of what she wanted him to do.

"Keep your back straight." She instructed. "Take your shoulders back, keep your chin up…" Harry did as she said as best he could.

Tonks smiled. "Good. Now, it's important to try keeping your back straight whenever you can. Don't slouch. It relieves tension on your chest and this is a way to avoid future back problems.

"Now," She continued, "start walking straight ahead. And later, we'll put a few obstacles in your way."

* * *

That night, Harry ate burnt ham and watery mashed potatoes. "Perhaps I should cook next time?" Harry suggested.

Tonks laughed. "I've heard that so many times…"

Harry grinned back as he began to cut off the burnt pieces, well, the ones that were so burnt that they were inedible.

"So, have you really decided what you want to do Harry?"

Harry shrugged. "It almost doesn't seem worth it. I didn't ask many questions when Professor Dumbledore suggested it, since I knew that he wouldn't have suggested changing me into a girl if he wasn't desperate to get rid of old snake face. But you saw how he acted when he left. It's like, there's nothing to fight for."

"Hmmm…" Tonks drank her potatoes as she thought about it. "But this isn't about making Dumbledore happy. This is about destroying Voldemort. Ridding the world of evil and all that wash. And Harry, you have to realise that this is really just bigger than any of us…"

Harry frowned but said nothing. Then, "I don't feel like my sacrifice is getting appreciated. I don't get to be in on the planning, I don't know anything that will happen only until it does and I'm tired Tonks… him including Snape and not mentioning just shows how manipulative Dumbledore is."

Tonks rolled her eyes. "Oh, come on. Grow up Harry." Harry had never seen the auror so annoyed. "Dumbledore doesn't manipulate maliciously. Harry, this is MUCH BIGGER than Dumbledore and you. And perhaps Dumbledore seems to be the only one who is calling the shots, but who else has dared to step up and be the leader? There are only a handful of wizards who don't flinch at Voldemort's name and he is, as many peaople put it, 'the only wizard Voldemort has ever been afraid of'. Who else has organized a functional group? He might seem senile, Harry, but he knows a thing or two. You have to have faith in him, just like he asked. Otherwise, all this is causing unwanted trouble and it's wasting all of our time."

She then stood up and grabbed her plate. "I hope you make the right decision Harry." She placed the bowl in the small sink and walked away into another room.

Harry played around with his mashed potatoes as he thought it over.

* * *

Everyday Tonks taught him something new. She was teaching a lot of combative things since you can't really rely for magic to do everything for you. His knees were sore from throwing himself onto the floor when ducking from spells, and he really hated how Tonks didn't seem to give him a chance to recover. The fact that the wards practically made him much heavier didn't help either.

Then there were the runs she was starting to make him do. Which he didn't think was a smart thing since he should be hiding and not running around in the sheep-filled fields.

It was Friday and Harry was getting anxious for Dumbledore's visit. He still didn't know what to say. When someone who isn't exactly the picture of responsibility gives you a lecture on that very thing, you couldn't help but rethink your previous position on any matter.

Dumbledore did indeed arrive and this time, he was accompanied by Hogwart's resident Potions Master, Severus Snape. And to Harry, that was really just digging the knife deeper. Tonks gave him a warning look and Harry didn't bother saying hello to either of the professors and ignored their very presence.

Snape billowed his way towards the small kitchen table and took out a black, leather bag. From that, he took out three vials and set them on the table and finished with a pointed look at the Headmaster.

Dumbledore coughed. "Harry, you need to tell us your decision." Harry had planned to keep ignoring the man, but Tonks decided to kick his shin, and his scowl ruined the stoic and cold composure he was pulling for.

Harry huffed. "Whatever. I thought I was only taking only one potion today."

Dumbledore frowned and Snape snorted. "I think that his immaturity doesn't allow him to give a proper and simple answer, Albus. I really do insist you rethink this over. We can't have him doing things half-arsed, which, as I stated beforehand, is all we can expect from the imbecile."

Harry narrowed his eyes and was about to retort when Tonks kicked him again. He then turned on her and was about to give him a piece of his mind when he realized that she was looking at him angrily.

The green eyed boy felt a stab of guilt on his chest. He wasn't making things easier was he?

Tired, he nodded dejectedly. "Let's start administrating the potions. The faster the better."

Snape handed Harry a vile. "You must take a vile every seven minutes. You'll down it exactly when I tell you and you will take whatever I give. Even if you find the taste disgusting, do NOT spit it out."

Harry nodded and held the vile up to his face. The color of the dark green potion was extremely cool behind the glass.

"Take it… now!"

* * *

Harry woke up with a pain in his stomach. Tonks was right next to his bedside, dabbing a wet towel on his forehead.

"wha--" he cleared his throat, "What happened?" His voice was raspy.

"Well, after you took the last potion, you began screaming your voice hoarse. You then passed out on us. Gave us a real scare. Well, Dumbeldore and I… Snape didn't really say anything."

Harry snorted. "He was probably hoping for the worse and cheering my doom."

Tonks frowned. "No, no. Dumbledore wouldn't be happy with him if he had done anything to purposely hurt you. And if I learned one thing about Snape is that he does things grudgingly but willingly for Albus."

Harry shrugged. He then grabbed his chest. "Am I…?"

Tonks laughed. "No you silly goose. You aren't a girl yet. You still need to have three more weeks of potions administered. A whole menstrual cycle they say."

Harry cringed.

* * *


	3. Part One, b

**Author's Note: **Thank you so much for your reviews! This part is much, MUCH shorter, so forgive me!

**Part One, b**

It had been twenty-seven days since he took the first potion for his transformation. In those twenty-seven days, he trained day after day. Tonks, however, could only teach him so much. When Harry started beating Tonks in duels, Tonks knew to call in another trainer. She had finished her part for now.

Moody was less lenient with his training and Harry found himself dreading the days that had followed. Tonks has been a bit sadistic, since she found humour in the worst and painful situations, but she always praised him when he did well. Moody, however, was never happy nor satisfied with any progress. The retired auror was truly worse than Snape because in some way, Harry knew why Snape was such a bastard and why he hated him; even if it wasn't rational. With Moody, Harry felt helpless because he was never good enough. Only once had Harry beaten Moody in a duel. And even then, Harry's proud grin still shining on his face, Moody mocked him; wiping it off. 'You should have beaten me at every duel in half the time you just did. If I can't beat the scumbag, how in the world can you?"

Bittersweetly, Moody was not going to be around for the next week but Harry's last potion was going to be administered today and if the other potions were any indication, it was going to be the most painful yet. Tonks was called back arrived at the doorstep with a chipper mood, Moody had coincidentally left a few minutes ago.

"Hey Harry!" She hugged him as she came in, luggage floating behind her. "Dumbledore here yet?" She waved her wand and her luggage zoomed past them and down the hall and into a room , that, Harry presumed, was her room.

Harry shook his head, and Tonks patted his shoulder in sympathy. "I hear you have been having pains in a significant area… has it been bearable?"

The green-eyed boy shrugged. "'s not like the Cruciatus, but it comes a close second."

"Awww, well… it will all be over today." She reassured.

Harry had a bad feeling that the reason that Moody had left is because Harry was going to be recovering for a week. It was a huge transformation after all, body parts were going to change and he was going to get new ones.

* * *

Snape didn't glare at Harry when he came in for the fourth week in a row. He didn't give a biting remark, nor did he even look Harry's way. He looked tired and worn, but still as stoic as always. The Potions Master, took out a vial from inside his robes and handed it to Dumbledore. Dumbledore patted Snape's shoulder, with which he was rewarded with a glare, and then Dumbledore asked for Harry's hand.

Harry, though nervous, allowed it and the Headmaster took out his wand and pressed it to Harry's index finger.

There was a sharp pain followed with a drop of blood. Dumbledore grabbed the finger and squeezed it three times so three drops would drop into the vial. Dumbledore corked it and shook it. The potion turned a pink color (from its usual green) and Harry handed it to Harry.

"Drink it after you sit down."

Harry did so on one of the kitchen chairs and downed the potion and cringed as the spicy bitterness of the concoction touched his tongue. He squeezed his eyes shut when a piercing pain hit his chest and his whole world became black.

* * *

Harry's first conscious thought was that he was still in pain and that he couldn't open his eyes. He also felt someone holding his hand.

That same 'someone' noticed his stirring and his arms were full of 'someone'. "Harry! You scared us to death!"

Harry cringed away from Tonks's touch. His skin felt so sensitive, he felt like he was burning on the bed. A second later, he felt another presence next to him.

"Rub that cooling salve on his skin, otherwise, he'll be bed ridden for longer than you hoped." Fading footsteps indicated that Snape left.

Harry felt Tonks gently start to apply the ointment type thing all over his arms, then his face and then his stomach… and on his chest?


End file.
